conviction

yes it's my own conviction, but i thought i'd share it anyways.

i had noticed a pattern of emails to a friend of mine over the last 3 months, and how last month had changed dramatically.  the first 2 months were normal amounts of emails; about once or twice a week totalling 5-6 emails per month.  then in May it jumped to nearly 25 emails...which averages out to almost 1 per day; and on some weeks it was that way.

my first thought when i looked at the totals was, "wow May really sucked!"  for both of us; me for all of the emails i had sent to my friend and for my friend who endured all of it.

that number kept coming back to me in my head too all weekend long.
what's weird is that i had got convicted of it a few weeks ago and had tried to apologize to my friend about bombarding him with my emails.  well, his response was that i never bombarded him and to not feel guilty about it; that i was simply sharing about the prayer ministry work as part of a believer in Christ.  and that it's always good to do so as part of the Body of Christ.

but then more spiritual attacks ensued and the emails kept pouring forth.

so now, here i am, again feeling convicted about grieving the Holy Spirit by not bringing all of this (my problems and prayer requests) to Him first.  and at many times to Him alone.  i'm still asking for clarity from the Holy Spirit on this one as well because the enemy can do a really slick number on you when it comes to guilt.  using guilt as a tool to keep you from doing the Work of the Lord.

i haven't said anything to my friend yet about this second conviction.  but i am making a change in my approach. both to emails to all of my prayer partners and my prayer walk with the Lord.  bottom line the LORD has to come first.  everything else comes second and NOT in a complaining tone or heart attitude. 

there was something else the LORD had said to me that's been sticking out in my mind and that's this:
"when are you gonna stop confessing everyone else's sins?"

OUCH!

of course He's right, but yeah another thing that's gotta change.